Here's a clear example of how silly I can really get. I wrote this for some people at work last year and got quite a few laughs out of it. Some said it sounded real until they got to the part where it becomes obvious it's not.
Why is it impossible?
1. You'd have to own the world to afford such a trip.
2. You'd have to have vehicles with jet engines to get everywhere (or someone's juice at breakfast will have to be heavily spiked). Both are not very good ideas to attempt.
SUMMER RETREAT TO THE BRITISH ISLES
Day 1: USA to London, England
Day 2: London. Tour
the Benjamin Franklin House where he stayed as he worked between England and
the colonies. We will tour St. Paul’s
Cathedral. Try the building’s acoustics
by volunteering someone to sing! After
this tour, we will visit the Shakespeare Globe Theatre Tour to see where the
original Shakespeare plays were performed.
We will end the evening enjoying a concert in the Royal Albert Hall. Overnight in London hotel
Day 3: Begin our travels outside London. Our first visit will be to Canterbury where
we will tour the abbey rich with history (mind that you don’t cross the
archbishop…or the royalty!). From there
we will travel to Dover to get our first view of the English Channel and tour
Dover Castle. From Dover we will travel
to Brighton and overnight in Brighton.
Day 4: We will tour the city of Brighton and visit the
monument for the Battle of Hastings. In
the afternoon, we will drive further north to visit the Jane Austen museum in
Chawton where the women will dream of gentlemen and the men will be tested for
patience and endurance. In the evening,
we will visit Stonehenge for the sunset viewing and travel to Bath where we
will overnight for two evenings.
Day 5: Remain in Bath in the morning and tour the Roman Bath. Tour the village of Lacock, the filming
location of the 1995 version of Pride and Prejudice and go Darcy hunting. Make sure to bring a drool cloth with
you. Also, keep a close eye on any
apparating beings. You will know where
to watch if you can identify which parts of the area were filmed in a few brief
scenes in the Harry Potter films.
Day 6: Begin the conquest of Wales and become Lords and
Ladies of the land (for a day—we’re lucky enough to get that). We will first rule in Chepstow, Wales where
we will dwell in Caldicot Castle until we get conquered and move our forces to Cardiff,
Wales and overtake Castell Coch. Once
again, we will have to flee the conqueror and overtake nearby Caerphilly Castle. Proceeding our last battle, we will accept
our defeat and be sent to exile in Stratford where we will overnight.
Day 7: Time to take the stage as we learn about the birth of
the play write William Shakespeare’s birthplace. Travel to Warwick Castle and master the
technique of jousting for a lesson on resolving coworker conflicts. We will then travel to Liverpool, visit the
Beatles museum, and have a Beatles Karaoke night that evening following a three
course dinner in a local pub. Overnight
in a local B&B.
Day 8: We will take a ferry from Liverpool to Dublin. We will spend our time in the city dying our hair red, learning how to speak in a good Irish accent (and be introduced to Gaelic), including learning how to roll our “R”s in that good old Irish manner, and learn a lively Irish jig. For those a little shy about this escapade, we will offer the option to avoid the embarrassment on the Dun Laoghaire golf course. In the evening, we will force the golfers away from their hiding spot and attend “An Evening of Folklore, Food and Fairies”, a dinner theater in Dublin where the performers there have invited us to join them in providing the entertainment. Overnight in Dublin.
Day 9: Travel down to Blarney and visit the Blarney Castle
late morning where we will have the opportunity of kissing the Blarney stone
where we will receive a much needed gift necessary for dealing with all aspects
of the medical profession. With our new
found gift, we will go one-on-one with a real live Leprechaun in a battle of wits. Those who outwit him will win the pot of gold
at the end of the rainbow! The next few
hours will be spent in free time in the nearby city of Cork where the golf
fanatics can disappear into the grounds of the Lee Valley Golf and Country Club. The remainder of the group will be left to
wander the city (in oblivion—those Leprechauns won’t be too happy when we trick
them!). On our return back to Dublin, we will visit
Rock of Cashel in county Tipperary, a Celtic Cathedral, perhaps in necessity to
release those who succumbed to the digested spirits. Popular places in this castle are the Hall of
Vicars and Cormac’s Chapel (home of the oldest Romanesque wall painting in
Ireland). Overnight in Dublin.
Day 10: We will spend
the morning and early afternoon in Dublin exploring Galsnevin Cemetery (where
we’ll meet typical Irish sprites—and perhaps jig with them!), Kilmainham
Gaol (some of us might just be sent
there if our jigs with the sprites get out of control!)and the National Botanic
Garden (play hide and seek with the Irish fairies—We’ll win, of course). After lunch, we will depart Dublin and travel
to Northern Ireland to spend the evening and overnight in Belfast.
Day 11: Today we will explore Belfast and particularly be
educated on how to plan and expedite a mammoth-sized project (and have it sink
in the end). We will tour the Titanic’s
Dock and Pump House, the last place the Titanic rested on dry ground and
proceed to Cultra Manor, a museum which includes drawings by the ship’s
designer, Thomas Andrew. In the
afternoon, we will enjoy the view of St. Anne’s Cathedral (when they knew how
to build things to last) and finish our site seeing in Belfast by walking up
Black Mountain to overlook the city at Sunset.
Overnight in Belfast.
Day 12: Leave Belfast,
Ireland on the ferry to Cairnryan, England and enjoy a scenic travel up to
nearby Glasgow, Scotland. Together, we
will visit the Glasgow Cathedral and the Glasgow Necropolis, but leave the
remaining time for you to pursue sites of your own interest (enjoy it. How many other times will you get your own
way?). Overnight in Glasgow.
Day 13: Today will be spent at the Loch Lomond and the
Trossachs National Park. Take a
“Northern Adventure” cruise across Loch Lomond and view the scenery from the
middle of the lake. We will spend our
afternoon on Loch Ard sailing. All those
who are misbehaving will be sent to a water ball or Hamster Wheel! And
remember: watch out for the Kelpies!
Overnight in a local hotel.
Day 14: Sunrise hike in Cairngorms National Park. Take a 1 ½ hour train ride on the Strathpey
Railway for a spectacular view of the Highlands and stretch our legs on a short
trail or hike (location to be decided upon arrival). In the afternoon we will take a guided tour
through the Highland Wildlife Park and see Nature in the Scottish Highlands: contest
to see who has the closest resemblance to the beasts and get a picture taken
with them! The evening will be spent at Braemar
Castle built in 1628. Overnight in local
B&Bs.
Day 15: Travel to Culloden in the morning and see the site
where Bonnie Prince Charlie fought England’s Duke William Augustus as the
Highland’s Jacobites fought in revolt against English loyalists. In the afternoon we will take a Jacobite
cruise on Loch Ness, meet Nessie up close and personal, and get a free Nessie
ride! Overnight in local B&B.
Day 16: Today we’ll be touring Aberdeen. After a hearty B&B breakfast, we will get
good fresh Scottish morning air by strolling along the Pitmedden Garden and
Museum of Farming Life. We will walk
along the historically preserved streets in Footdee (aka Fittee) and stroll
along Balmedie Beach. Providing the
expanse of the sand at the time, a footrace will be held along the sand followed
by a group water plunging experience (the winner stays in the water the longest
without getting hypothermia). Overnight
in local B&B.
Day 17: Leave Aberdeen in the morning and arrive at St.
Andrews where the only place to lure golf lovers resides: the historical St. Andrews
golf course. After a quick look at the
golf course, we will ditch all of the golf players there while we go
gallivanting through the city, eventually ending up on a tour of the Botanic
Gardens. After a leisurely lunch, we
will visit St. Andrew’s Cathedral. Later
in the afternoon, we will return to the golf course and drag the reluctant (be
careful…some may be kicking and screaming) golfers off of the course to go dine
and be entertained at Byre Theater for the evening. Overnight in local B&B.
Day 18: Edinburgh. We
will visit the Fascinating Mummies Exhibition for the sole purpose of learning
how to create long lasting curses on those who want to invade your space. We will spend the lunch hour and early
afternoon strolling the Royal Mile. In
preparation for those stressful days back at the clinic, we will learn how to
numb ourselves by touring the Scotch Whisky Experience tour and conclude the
evening at the Edinburgh Military Tattoo for an evening of entertainment with live
bagpipe bands. Overnight in hotel for
two evenings.
Day 19: Edinburgh. We
will tour two palaces today in the morning: the Palace of Holyroodhouse (the
royal family’s Scottish residence) and R Lilinthgow Palace (the home of Mary,
Queen of Scots). In the afternoon post-lunch time, we will
visit Beecraig’s Country Park where we can learn to master the art of archery,
do some climbing, or take to the water by windsurfing. In the evening, we will have the privilege of
meeting the notorious author, J.K Rowling, who will instruct us on developing
the best performance of the cruciatus curse so that we will have the skills to
perform it on those we deal with patients who are uncooperative. We will also learn how to cast the perfect
memory charm so that our names will be forgotten by those we don’t want to
remember us. Following this insightful instruction
we will all be presented a good hearty traditional Scottish meal.
Day 20: This morning, the singles in the group will suddenly
meet in a corner or two his/her dream woman/man, the closest that perfection
can find. While the rest of the group
meanders through the city, the new couples will elope (of course, we will not
know when they choose to flee) to Gretna Green and find the blacksmith shop,
historically known to marry eloped couples.
Some of These couples will reunite with the group later in the day at
William Wordsworth’s home in Cockermouth to be poetically inspired and travel
to the Lake District where we will develop our poetic inspiration by relaxing
by the Lake Derwent. By the evening, all
of our eloped couples will be reunited (or else!) with the group as we have a
romantic lakeside candle light dinner at sunset in celebration. Optional overnight in tents (all the wimps
stay overnight in nearby B&B.
Day 21: We will begin the morning by visiting Hill Top, the
home of Beatrix Potter, author of the Peter Cottontail children’s stories. There, we will catch and bring Peter
Cottontail back home to be the clinic’s Birthday Bunny for 2014 [yes, we will dress
him…much to his humiliation (Cackle, cackle)].
After our prize catch, we will bunny-nap him to Lake Windermere where we
will spend the afternoon in the Holehird Gardens (keep Peter under control
here!). Optional explorations and seaside
chatting in the evening. Overnight in
local B&B.
Day 22: The morning will be spent visiting the Hazel Brow
Farm in North Yorkshire, where we will get to see a real Yorkshire farm in the
works, and meet some genuine Yorkshire sheep.
Later morning, we will stop at Aysgarth Falls before we travel further
south to take a 2 1/2-4 hour endurance hike on the Ingleton Waterfalls Trail
and view the variety of falls and bridges along the trail. Overnight in local B&B.
Day 23: Continuation of our scenic endurance trial: we’ll
try your strength on a three hour hike on the Malham Cove and Gordale trail in
Settle, Yorkshire where we will find various falls, limestone, and greenery
that will satisfy the eye. Have lunch at
the Yorkshire Dales Ice Cream Parlor (on second thought, just skip the lunch
and gorge out on their local ice cream!) in Skipton. Have a leisurely afternoon stroll through
Skipton Skipton Woods. Overnight in
local B&B.
Day 24: We will begin our morning having a behind the scenes
tour and museum tour of the Bronte Parsonage Museum in Haworth, West Yorkshire
and have a writing personality contest to see which sister each employee
identifies with. We will continue our
medical education as we travel to Leeds and visit the Thackray Medical
Museum. Our evening will be spent by
leisurely Strolling along “The Shambles” in York for some shopping in the old
historical shops along the way.
Overnight in local B&B.
Day 25: Have an early morning sunrise walk along the York
city walls and breakfast as we watch the sun rising over the city. Later in the morning, we will visit Castle
Howard in York and nap under the bushes in the gardens. Late morning travel to Nottingham. Visit Sherwood Forest Visitors Centre and go
on a Robin Hood hunt through Sherwood Forest.
We will find the river’s narrow bridge and battle for the right-of-way. That evening, we will have our evening meal
at Nottingham Medieval Banquet where we will frolic with the
entertainment. Overnight in B&B.
Day 26: We will travel to Cambridge early in the morning Take
a tour of Cambridge University and and receive special training on how to
appear educated (and how to look like you know what you’re talking about). This
day will be spent taking a leisurely stroll around the campus and the city (to
practice our training with the locals) and for those still aching from the
previous days, we will check in early at the Varsity Hotel and Spa with free
treatments for all employees.
Day 27: Travel to Londing in the morning. We will visit The Garden Museum to get
Landscaping ideas for our offices. A
cruise down the Thames will instruct us on how to relieve our stress as we
watch the world lazily go by, and we will end our day in the Theater District
where you have the option of wiping out any awareness of this world by entering
into another (patient-free world).
Day 28: We are all about eyes, so our first visit will be to
the Eye of London where we will get a 20/20 overview of the city. We will then visit the Tower Bridge and the
Tower of London. The latter of these two
will provide us information on how to deal with difficult patients. We will then visit Hyde Park where all
members will have time to stroll and reflect on the possibilities…
Day 29: Visit Westminster Abbey to repent of all the evil
thoughts from the previous day. Today we
will visit the royal castles: Windsor; Buckingham; and Kensington Palaces all
for the sake of reminding us what we will never get (except in our dreams).
Day 30: Repeat itinerary twice before returning home.
