One of the most vivid memories I have about watching a Disney movie happened to be one that caused me to nearly cry. My sister claimed I did, but I was insistent that I wasn't, because no actual tears came out. Technicalities: I was always a stickler with them. My eyes just got watery. That movie was The Ugly Duckling, and I mustered up all the strength I could not to cry in front of the other kids when the Ugly Duckling was rejected by his duck family. I couldn't have been older than 5 at the time.
To be honest, I had no idea a Disneyland existed until a boy brought his Mickey Mouse ears to school one day in my second grade class. I didn't understand to what extent it encompassed, but it sounded fun, and right then in my mind it became a fantasy world that was only part of a dream. I don't know if I realized at that time, but over time I became aware of how costly it was to go there and with my parents barely getting by with meeting the family's needs, it seemed an impossible achievement. My siblings went with school groups when they were in high school, but unfortunately, the groups I joined did not do tours, so it all remained a dream.
There were three times that it almost looked as if the dream would become a reality. First time, my sister wanted to go with me for my birthday, but unfortunately Hurricane Katrina happened, which not only raised gas prices, but kept my sister busy at her work helping with collecting donations to distribute for aid. Trip 1 cancelled. The second time it was only a half hearted plan, because I was at an educational activity where a local university instructor was teaching participants the significance of the Passover/Seder service, and I was the one who ended up having to get a promise from my dad at the end. To tell the truth, I didn't want to be the one to do it and so I never insisted on him keeping it. I asked him to take me to Disneyland. Never happened. Poor guy felt guilty the promise never went through, but as I just said, I never held him to it, because I felt guilty asking him for it. The third time, a coworker got it in her head to go with me once, and we'd talked about it for several weeks, but I had a feeling it wouldn't go through, and sure enough I could feel things had changed after several months though she'd said nothing to me about no longer going. Still makes me curious: she told me she had a dream that we were at Disneyland and I spontaneously began performing a musical number (similar to Broadway), which threw her off guard, and whatever it was I did was amazing. To this day, I also want to see this amazing performance.
So ultimately, I was faced with a decision. How many times am I going to discuss this with people and experience over and over again the disappointment of people dropping out of the plans last minute? I'm a patient person, but when I've decided enough is enough, it's enough. I flipped. Some time ago I decided it's time to go, even if I go alone, so alone it was.
