I have a fear of making mistakes. Perhaps it's that perfectionist part of me coming out there, yet I know that in life you can't live without a mistake or two. All mistakes affect me, but I've learned how to brush past the little ones quickly, but it's the larger ones that are more difficult to deal with.
Ah, mistakes. That moment when you think you are fine, and find out later just how wrong you were. It's a rude awakening, particularly if someone comes to you and brings it out personally. The now received hindsight makes it all clear what was done wrong, and brings in an understanding about why that other person is so upset. Seriously one of my worst nightmares, which occasionally comes true.
In these moments for me, I spend hours after mulling over it, and questioning why I didn't think of it before it came a problem. I was the one who should have thought of it and taken care of it before it happened, and I should have been more responsible for it, but because I didn't, it's affected at least one other person out there for the worst. Then comes in the blame game, only I tend to send the blame to myself first before throwing it at anyone else, and it becomes dangerous territory, because there I'm prone to become self-abusive. It's not a fun trail to walk down. I'm usually able to redirect my path, but sometimes it could take hours or days, depending on the severity of the situation in my mind.
I'd recently gone through such a moment, but for the first time I realized something. Despite all the embarrassment and sadness I was feeling because of my mistakes, there was still that quiet little voice in my mind speaking to me against all the negative thoughts I was trying to regain control of, partly reminding me I shouldn't be saying that about myself, but mostly to tell me that this particular situation was not completely a punishment, but an opportunity. It was a learning experience, difficult as it was, in helping me to improve myself, a chance to step forward and move on better than I was.
I've had difficulties in the past when I've taken that extra breath and faced (often with some discomfort), and made it through just fine, so why not now?
Yes, I've made a mistake, which unfortunately affected others along the way, and I'm sorry for that, but there's no way I'm giving up. Time to pick up my feet and try again, no matter the difficulty. The emotions are still raw, but you know, it's time brush myself off and move on. As long as possibility remains, there's no good reason to avoid trying for it.
