Such phrases I've heard my whole life from people, and I can't express how much hearing this bothers me. I spent a good three or four years of my teenage life hating myself because of such expressions. I knew I was quiet. I knew I had a lot to say, but I couldn't do it the way everyone else seemed to do it. There was a time in my life when I tried to do it the "normal" way. I really tried not to be quiet, but all that did for me was to make me look weird and make me frustrated, because I still wasn't getting through to people. It took me a long time to realize that my communication wiring is different and that was and still is a great struggle for me.
To this day I will say things to people and I'm left dumbstruck, because what I said seemed (to me) to be quite clear, yet they couldn't grasp what I was saying. They had to ask me what I meant, and I got so confused, because I was certain what I said was straight forward.
People have been impatient with me due to this issue and there have been a lot of miscommunications because they don't know how it works with me. It's frustrating and discouraging when these happen, because I want to connect, but somewhere or somehow there's a shortage. No one understands how painful that can be when you want to communicate and you see it's not working, unless an individual has experienced it.
So the question arises, "How can you communicate with people like me?" This is certainly not all the secrets, but here are ten important ones that I wish people would pay attention to:
- Don't assume that I'll always come to you when something needs to be discussed: I may be aware of the issue, but as you I also have things occupying my mind (and I tend to get super focused on my tasks). I need you to make the effort as much as I to get together and talk.
- Give me time: I don't answer all questions immediately and if I feel the pressure to answer immediately, I literally can't do it. I'll stumble all over myself and struggle to even sound coherent.
- Allow me some time to settle down: If emotions are high, my communication ability is impaired. I need time to process them before I can discuss anything reasonably.
- Don't make assumptions (and tell them to me): False assumptions irk me concerning my actions as well as my words to make them appear as something I didn't mean at all. Quite an easy way to get on my bad side.
- Don't beat around the bush: Seriously. I've had many instances at my work where I've caught people trying to tell me something, but because they were so-called concerned about hurting my feelings decided to manipulate their words so it sounds nicer. When I found out what was really going on, to say frankly, I wasn't happy at all with them. No, it wouldn't have been as nice to be a little more direct, but I would have dealt with it much faster.
- Make an effort: There's nothing that shows me you're interested more than actually making the effort to talk to me. I won't always be talkative, but when I'm ready to talk, I'm more likely to talk to you when you've showed me you're willing to give me some of your time.
- Don't criticize what I say: Yes. When I speak to you, it's generally given with much thought and effort. For my personality type, criticizing is like saying my thoughts were worthless. I'll take advice on what to improve, but when someone points out everything I do wrong, it really weighs me down emotionally.
- Compliment me: You might think doing this practice would make me full of myself, but when done in excess, I'll just ignore you, because I'll stop believing you. A good amount of occasional complimenting helps though. Sometimes it's the thing I need to motivate me to keep going and try a little better.
- Appreciate my ideas: I am happiest when I am able to problem solve and come up with ideas that might work for issues being addressed. It's so frustrating when I make the time to come up with something and then witness the person I want to share it with push them to the side.
- Be sincere: Depth of feeling in its purity is always a certain way to connect to me.
