I was employed for several years at this place. It was rough at the beginning, when the first year or two I was left to train myself, and there were times on and off throughout the years where this happened a few more times. Sometimes I succeeded. Sometimes I failed. Through it all, everyone was flexible enough to put me in places I could help, because I was a hard worker. Somewhere along the way a change was made. All of the people I got along with and could counsel with about what I was experiencing left, and I started to feel lonely, because I had no one around to go to for advise. Being an observant introvert, I noticed the replacements did not have what I required to open up to them about what I was really struggling with. There were times when I tested and tried them, but it wasn't successful.
There were things with my job I knew and felt like I needed to change and improve, so I looked into ideas and things that might need to be looked into, but when I brought them up with those over me, they set it aside and went on with their work. No questions. No follow ups. I found it all so discouraging after all the effort I made to look into it. The only time they spoke to me was when they didn't like what I did, and for my type of personality, that was exceedingly discouraging. Because of this, I learned to avoid them and not want to have anything to do with them, but inside wished that just once they would come back to me and show some interest in what I was doing or what my concerns were. No. I was left to my own devices, and not all of them were smart. I felt abandoned by them, an afterthought. I tried more ideas such as having one on one meetings to get their attention, but once again, it failed. It was a nightmare, but it didn't come to full reality until the beginning of this month.
I was placed to help answer phones along with doing my work, which at this time of year was overloaded. I get anxiety by the mere ringing of the phone, and I also get high anxiety when I have to switch my focus so much between so many things. There was one particular day when I was busy trying to work on my typical job, hoping to transition into the larger project I had waiting, and the phone was ringing a lot. I was getting high strung trying to juggle those things, but it didn't end there. People were sending me phone calls in addition to the ones I was already answering. Others were calling me to help them with the phone calls they were dealing with. I had a phone call pressuring me about another project I hadn't got to. People from other parts of the office were trying to get me to help on something they were dealing with. Finally, but not lastly, people were getting after me for things I hadn't done right and needed to pay more attention to. That was the last straw and I crashed. By noon that day I didn't want to have anything to do with work. It was too much. Too many demands at once. I managed to muster enough energy to make it through the day, but to be honest, I was never back to normal since.
I was exhausted. There was never enough sleep to give me any energy. I had a constant headache for several weeks. Things irritated me more than usual. Just as I was hoping to get over that, something came up again that I dealt with in the thick of it all that ended up into a job loss. For someone as sensitive as I am, it was more horrifying than I might have showed. I don't like being yelled at, and it often traumatizes me, and this particular session everything was released on me, but I managed to muster through it patiently, even when they kicked me out in full retribution, but I guarantee you I was affected. I cried for three days straight and still get urges once or twice a day. Working there for as long as I did leaves a mark. I suppose for someone in my situation, it may be natural to lash out and get angry at them all, but it's not natural for me. I know plenty of people who would have lashed out if they had been yelled at as I was, but I never really saw the point of doing it, because it wouldn't have helped the situation. I want the nightmare to get over with quickly, so I don't push it. My only problem with this is that I was tortured for three days before I was given the final word. I almost wished it happened on the spot. I knew it was coming anyway.
So a week later and how am I doing? No job, but you know I am feeling so much better than I have for years. A load has been lifted from my shoulders and I'm actually beginning to see changes in my sleep, good changes. I spent almost all of those years having sleep difficulties, and I am delighted to see that these past few days I have had no trouble falling asleep when I began feeling tired. I'm also feeling more relaxed and more my happy self again.
In conclusion, losing this job was exactly what I needed physically and emotionally. Perhaps I would have preferred a different conclusion, but my needs are now being taken care of, and in return I am able to better help the increasing needs of my family. Now on to a job search that would better suit all of my needs and allow me to help with the others.
No reason to be miserable. It all works out.
