I have always loved the Christmas song O Holy Night, and I've always wanted to sing it. I think I'd tried a few times, but for some reason couldn't make that intimate connection I usually need to have in order to even sound good when I do music. There was a moment back in 2019 when part of the song really made a personal connection to me.
2019 was my 2020. It was a nightmare. I'm generally a quite cheerful person, but that year I have memories of crying so many times and being so overwhelmed with stress that it was taking a toll on me at work. In time I ended up burning out and losing my job, which was in the long run a good thing considering how it was affecting me. Despite the fact that it was a good thing didn't change the hurt and pain that immediately followed the experience. It was exactly like going through grief and losing a loved one, but as I adjusted and did what I could to keep myself busy, one of the first projects I started immediately after the experience was to learn this song.
I found an arrangement that seemed to suit me, and as I began to go through the words, I came across some words that really hit me hard. They came from the second verse, which I noticed is rarely sung by contemporary singers. I also noticed that the chorus to the third verse isn't sung often either. That is unfortunate, because they are all beautiful words. The particular words in the second verse that struck me were ones I needed to hear right at that moment after what I'd been through.
The King of Kings lay thus in holy manger; in all our trials, born to be our friend; He knows our need; our weakness is no stranger, Behold, your King, before Him lowly bend!
I was in the middle of singing those words and by the word weakness is no stranger I couldn't sing anymore, because I was crying so hard. I had to stop for a few minutes until I could get myself back together before trying it again. Those words were sweet and comforting to me. In my imperfect humanness, there was still hope for me, and I wasn't alone. Obviously I still had emotions and other things I needed to process through, but having this insight certainly made it easier.
I made a recording of myself singing that song. It still has a few imperfect places, because it wasn't long after picking up the music that I did it, but it brings back the sweet memory of how this song began the healing for me during a particularly difficult time.
