Part 9: When People Ask Direct Personal Questions
Out of all the others on the list, this one is among the bigger ones that bother me. I don't mind being asked questions, but there's a breaking point, and for me it doesn't take much to get there on this one. Who knows when I picked it up, but for as long as I remember, I've felt the obligation to answer a question when someone asks me, so with most questions I receive, I will certainly answer; however, if it starts to feel like someone's prying a little too much, the quality of the answer goes downhill.
There are several reasons why I might begin to shut off during these interactions. I've been able to come up with four reasons so far, but there's likely more of them out there:
- Motive. Ok. I admit it. If someone starts asking too many questions, I get suspicious and wonder why they want to ask me those questions. It is then and there that I tune in to that person (even more than before) for clues as to why they are asking. Fortunately with me, it's often just people who are trying to be friendly and trying to figure out a way to get to know me. Unfortunately, their tactic isn't the best way, since it can make me uncomfortable to the point of limiting the quality of my response to them. Certainly there are others who aren't the type of people who would respect my thoughts and opinions. They're only going to get my wall and short answers.
- Indirect criticism. These are terribly uncomfortable for me. These are the situations when someone comes to me and asks me "self-evaluation" questions to analyze myself and my behavior, but the real motive behind it was to tell me there's something I'm doing that they don't like and to fix it. First thing, I'm an automatic self analyzer. I've already mulled over in my mind about what and how I do things. Second, being put on the spot like that doesn't help my poor little brain at all. It freezes. Third, I often understand what the person is really doing, and it can be discouraging (not supportive).
- "None of Your Business" subjects. There are certain questions that are personal and private that are certainly not things I like to discuss openly. I might provide a tiny sliver of an answer to this, but no one who gets into that territory will ever get an open answer. I will definitely close up. The only way for me to open up is to let me be, and I will talk about it when and if I'm ready. You should understand also that I'm more open to some people than others, and even then I might not tell you all.
- Overstimulation. Sometimes questions take time for me to think about, and having to ask question after question when I'm still trying to think through the others gets me all scatterbrained and unable to think clearly. Even if my response is brief, I'm not finished with the question mentally as I mull through my thoughts one by one, so if another question is thrown at me, it starts to pile up, and start causing my thoughts to get overwhelmed.
Depending on the subject and how deep it goes, I may not even answer those in depth. I'm an extremely placid person and won't get angry at people for asking personal questions, but that doesn't mean they don't affect me. Just a heads up, if you ask a personal question, don't expect much of an answer.
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| Love this picture. This butterfly remained still for long enough that I could admire its beauty. I might do the same, but it takes some patience. |
