Growing up in a large external family, the first sign of growing up was always that awkward stage when you start melting into the mass of faces and personalities. You're now too old to be involved in the children's games and activities, where all the attention goes, and you're left to figure out how to fit in again. Some will learn quickly the attention-getting skills while others will choose to disappear into the background and enjoy watching the others battle it out (though in our family it was more of humor than aggression). I became one of the latter, and honestly with growing up sandwiched between a disabled brother who needed the attention and an older sister who knew the attention-getting skills, it wasn't difficult to adjust to that. I'm fine with not having attention, yet the deep dark secret is that despite the fact I don't demand it, I need it at times.
Quality time. It's more than just being there in the same room or doing an activity together. It's connection and giving full attention. It's full investment of listening and understanding. A time for putting away all distractions and keeping the focus on the person. Having grown up practically in a crowd this is extremely important to me. When someone gives attention toward me out of how many people, I notice, and appreciate it (assuming the attention is positive that is).
I'm not hard to please, and I think many times people think that this quality time stuff is more complicated than it actually is. There's no price behind it. You don't have to make any type of monetary payment. The activity itself can be simple. In fact, there's absolutely no requirement for an activity. All that I require is you, and you only. We don't even have to be doing anything. Even talking isn't required, but if you have to, make it substantial. A split second genuine friendly greeting from a passerby might make my day as much as the person who wants to spend the day with me. It's quality not quantity that creates the magic. All it takes is being in the moment together.
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| A good quality time example by A. A. Milne. |
