Having an Impact

Sunday, November 30 seemed to be a typical Sunday morning. We were finishing up another church meeting, and it was winding down when we suddenly received a phone call from my uncle in Southern California. It wasn't a typical time for him to call, so we went into the next room and answered it. He told us that his wife, my aunt Kathy, died about an hour previously from a six month battle with an aggressive cancer. This was one of the two ladies that I learned about the diagnosis only a week or two after getting back from my vacation. The other one died in July. It was not completely unexpected, but then again, even with those you expect it still feels like a smack in the face. You see it coming, but the impact still has that alarming effect.

Aunt Kathy was probably one of the aunts I knew the best since my cousins were so close to my age. I spent a lot of time playing and visiting with them during the summers at both my grandparent's house and at their house. Naturally, that means my week has been full of reflection and memories. I've learned a lot about her that I didn't know, because they didn't really talk about their past. I knew she was a sweet and kind woman, but wow, she was also amazing! Her skills as a teacher and particularly with those who had vision impairment were absolutely invaluable. It makes me proud to have called her my aunt.

With her death, and with Ann's death (the family friend who died in July) has me thinking about impact of our lives on other people. Ann was a special education teacher herself and touched many lives. I'm not a teacher, and due to my situation where I'm not exposed to a lot of people, it's not so likely that if I have any impact, it's definitely not in the quantity zone, but that's not a problem. We're not all destined to be big influencers. What's important is that we do our best with those we have the privilege of having in our lives, be it only for a moment or for a whole lifetime. Not all of those will be pleasant, but pleasant or not, they play an impact, and the power lies behind deciding the direction to take following it.

In all honesty, I don't see myself as a big influencer. I can hardly get through the day with making sure the people in my household make it through another day without issues. I don't have a lot of people around me, and at times that can get lonely. How does a little insignificant person like me make any difference in this world? What worth have I brought into it? Before I go any further, the first thing I need to do is to take out a vocabulary word in that first question, because no one is insignificant. No, I don't have or never had droves of people around me, but who said I didn't have a significant impact on the few that were? What about my brother? I don't need my name known to the world to be important, and I'm guessing that there are others out there that I've impacted and have no clue about it. 

I personally don't conscientiously worry about the impact I'm leaving behind with people. I'm just myself as I meet people. I'm a terrible pretender and don't disguise myself well. All I can hope for is that whatever I'm leaving behind is good. Have I made a difference? Absolutely, but I don't always have a clue what it is. For good or bad, life moves on, and every day is a new chance to be a tad better than yesterday, so it always starts out good.

Here's a recording of a song I played with my flute during 2020, a reminder to all that in places where love resides, God is also present: