To Be Offended or Not Be Offended

Before I get into my lecture mode, I'm going to start out with something that humored me on Facebook. It may have been a meme, but I don't remember. There wasn't any picture associated with it, but words only. It was something that goes like this: You're singing in the shower until you get soap in your mouth. After that, it's just Soap Opera. I responded to my friend who posted this with a little comeback on my own: Next song up is Soap Gets in Your Eyes. I suppose that was only funny to me. No one really responded to it. There's a slight possibility they don't know what song I was referencing since it is a really old one. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes was in a piano music book my family had, and my sister used to play it.

Ok, now for the serious stuff. Serious subject on.

Are you easily offended by how people act or say, particularly in how they do it toward you? Is it wrong to feel offended? It is often said by many not to take things personally, or not to let things offend you so much. I don't really like those particular pieces of advice, because they often sound like we're supposed to shut off our emotions entirely. Some people can do that; however, for emotionally sensitive people such as I, that's nearly impossible to do. Everything in life has a link to my emotions, and shutting them off would mean shutting out some of my greatest functions and abilities. No, instead of telling us to shut off our emotions, it would best that we learn to control them. As difficult as it can be at times, particularly when a loved one is involved, it's still possible. For me personally, I have a few points that I'd like to bring out that help me:

1. Remember that people are human. A part of being human has a lot to do with imperfection. Everyone slips and makes mistakes from time-to-time. As for those who are accused of being hypocrites, who profess believing one way, but not living up to its standards, um, that's basically humanity as a whole. No one lives 100% their belief, but they have goals, and some are better or more efficient in achieving them than others. We shouldn't discourage their efforts.
2. I'm not perfect myself. Certainly there are plenty of things I know I could do better at, and I'm at no higher level than anyone else striving to make it through this life without ruining it. I'm human, and thus I'm weak. I have no advantage over anyone else in that aspect.
3. Accept that things aren't always in your control. Impatience with things not going the way it intended seems to be a big issue for a lot of people. It can be overwhelming when things take a different turn than expected. Trust me, I've experienced it enough times to know the uncertainty. For some people this type of feeling is unsettling, and the only way they know how to express it is through anger, which in turn can lead to the person finding offense toward the others involved, whether they deserve it or not. That can lead to difficult situations. Is it really that important? Is it absolutely vital that you have it now? More times than not, that last answer should be a resounding, "No." There are always other ways, perhaps even better ways, to accomplish things.
4. Listen and learn. Even if you're not in agreement with someone, it may be beneficial to avoid the temptation to shut out what they are saying. Listening doesn't mean agreeing, but often it will allow you to understand where that person is coming from. With any stroke of luck, you might find a common factor with which you can connect. It's sometimes that other perspective that gives the best insight.
5. Give them a chance before labelling them. I've seen it plenty of times where I live: People looking at others disdainfully due to their unkempt appearance, modesty issues, sexuality preference, piercings, race, and language preference. I don't claim to be super experienced in a lot of these different groups since I'm in a somewhat less populated area than those who are exposed to these every day, but I have met someone from all of these categories, and all I really see is someone trying to make it through life the best they can as I do. This is probably only understandable to those who know the biblical story, but I used to joke about being related to everyone, because of that "guy on the boat" long ago. It was originally a joke, but that perspective actually made me think twice about who the people are I encounter each day, and see them more as a family member than a stranger.
6. Be patient and understanding. Things can go wrong. People can act differently than you expect. Sometimes, those acts can be extremely unpleasant. The natural reaction is to perhaps retaliate. Being slow to anger is difficult for most people, especially when they're unfairly being treated. As mentioned before, I don't think the advice of not taking things personally is the proper thing to say; rather, I would recommend that instead of shutting off the feelings, use them to try to understand what's going on with the other person. There's a good chance there's an underlying cause behind the behavior, one the person doesn't know how to voice or express properly. Sometimes it's fixable, something you do. Sometimes it's not, but this is where the point of accepting things out of your control comes into play.
7. Treat them kindly. Retaliation always feels justified when someone treats you ill. There's one important point that I cannot say often enough: One's ill behavior doesn't mean all is free from restraint in making a retaliation. Oftentimes, reacting in such a way creates further problems. It's difficult sometimes to hold back, but in the long run the outcome is much more pleasant. I understand there are exceptions, when protection and safety are necessary; however, those moments aren't common.
8. Stop the Gossip. It seems natural to a lot of people when, as soon as the person of focus leaves the room, they turn and start throwing out frustration to their nearest friend and colleague. While I understand some find the necessity in releasing that stress verbally, it often comes with a thoughtless comment directed toward the absent person, who is no longer present to make a defense. It seems to be no harm, since that person didn't hear what was said, but the damage isn't always done on that person, but toward the speaker and those who are present. Not only does it create a negative tone in the environment with the potential of turning toxic, but it also reveals in the speaking individual a negative light on their character, which does no favors in the sight of others.

I could likely think of more things to add to this list, but I think these ideas are a great start. Perhaps we should take the joke's advice and get all of us washed out, mouths and eyes included, and start the day fresh with a new clean outlook. 

The Amaryllis in Bloom.