A Gentle Reminder

It's interesting how at times things pop up when you need them to. As I've mentioned plenty of times by now, I'm still trying to adjust my morning schedule, and I've been having some ups and downs along the way. A little over a week or so ago, an emergence of what I call the "perpetual longing" entered the scenes, and it made that time period challenging. It's hard to describe exactly what I mean by that, but it involves a deep, deep dive into some sort of heartache that's associated with not being able to connect with people the way I want to. Some of that involves a lot of shallow interactions, some situations where it felt people were oblivious to my existence, and some outright social rejections. It aches so much, and sometimes it brings me to tears, but I let it work its way through, and I'm my good and happy self again.

The thing that popped up into my memories was a sweet little "Ode" my sister wrote for me when I went away from home during my first year in college. She doesn't always write things like it, so I kept it in my memories. She talks about her memories with me growing up, and what I felt like I needed to review was the last paragraph of the document. It's interesting to me what she says, because this was written before I experienced what I can only call the Love of God, meaning I received a significant glimpse of what it was He saw in me. She pointed out some of my most valuable traits that went along the same line. I love receiving these little reminders during my tough times, because they remind me of the good I'm capable of, and that I'm not a complete rotten apple.

I'm still working on my daily habits, but I feel more cheerful, and more productive in my days. In fact, I've noticed that during the last couple of months I've been neglecting doing something creative. I'm picking up a few things again. Project 1: I started the idea some time ago to start on my second and newer (hopefully more organized) YouTube channel a set of videos doing alphabet letter cursive exercises. I've now posted videos to the letter E, and hopefully, I'll be able to get some more in the works soon. Project 2: I came across an old story I tried to write when I was younger. I touched it up several years ago, but it still needed work. Last week, I pulled it up, and I'm trying something out to see if it helps fix the problem. I had someone read it for me when I touched it up, and she was telling me I needed to get it worked out and published. Most of my stories are self-published, because I don't want people telling me what to write and also I enjoy working on making the book myself. It may not look as nice as one that sells well, but I find satisfaction in just creating it.

So yes, after a few difficult weeks, I'm finding my contented, happy self returning ever-so-slowly, but it's coming back. There's a bright future ahead. 

Here's to looking forward.

The last portion of my sister's "Ode" to me.