Thinking about last week, and how I was feeling like I was trying to sing like a person who was wrapped in a ball against the wall, I decided that I wanted to stand this time, so I didn't feel like I was withdrawing into myself, which doesn't work well when singing out is required. I mentioned this to the director, and she replied with, "Why don't you stand and face the choir, so you can see their faces?" Basically suggesting that I do that so I can get used to seeing people look at me while I sing. So I tried it. I was still a little nervous, but it was so much better than last week. I was able to get the tune and the timing out much better. I was standing next to the director, and I think that even though she was leaving the singing to me, having her presence close, and knowing that she was supportive really eased off the anxiety.
That is one thing I really have never experienced before when it comes to singing: the amount of support I'm getting. So many have given me words of encouragement (which helps a lot--words of affirmation is one of my love languages after all), and I even had one give me a quick little side hug and tell me, "You have a beautiful voice!" To be honest, I hardly ever hear that, which is why I've battled my whole life over whether or not I'm really that great of a singer. I've always been in the shadow of others in the singing world. Whether it was my sister, peers, or a friend who's skills were advanced, it's uncommon for me to hear that referring to me.
I think it's only natural for people to turn to those who are more open about their interest and skills. It's always been a struggle for me: to watch everyone else get the opportunities and never be considered. That's a little bit of why I occasionally try for something; Because I'm too aware that no one will ask me, I have to do the scary thing and volunteer myself. As a result, I've been getting a lot of support from encouraging words, and some hugs. I've never really experienced this much support before, and it seems to be helping.
I won't have a report on this journey next week, since I will be on my Southern California Adventures, part 2, trip. I'll be back soon, though.
Speaking of songs, this is among one of the ones the choir is singing in a different arrangement. I love the song, so I recorded it a few years ago and posted it:
