I was thinking about how many people say they love going there, because they find it a place to escape the world and its realities. I can't say the same thing. My realities seem to follow me in there. In fact, they become a little more amplified while I'm there. That may be because I do so many solo trips and have a tendency to process things internally. In every single trip that I did solo, I can pick out at least one incident that I've had to deal with myself in some uncomfortable situation. It appears that being there alone makes me keener to my sensitivities. I've had more thrilling rides through my emotional transitions there than anything that is physically present. I've experienced the thrills as well as intense sadness there. It seems I should want to avoid it with all of discomfort that comes into play during my visits, but no. I've come to accept that whenever I'm in a place with a lot of people, my risk of feeling uncomfortable increases significantly, but that doesn't stop me from trying. I know better than to let a moody or disappointing moment ruin my fun memories.
When people say that place has lost its magic, I congenial disagree. One might ask, if it still exists, then where is it? That's simple. It's inside. In saying that, I also make it a rule not to expect magic when I visit. That is for a few reasons, but the top ones are:
- I'm an adult. Even though the main purpose for visiting the parks is for all to have a magical time, a special emphasis is placed on making sure children are enjoying themselves. Sure, adults are allowed to have fun, but it's slightly different, because they're supposedly mature enough to know how to behave when things go awry.
- Dealing with the worst and best of my personality: I don't require the spotlight. Most of the time, I'm the one standing back and watching everyone else, and I love to watch them enjoy themselves. That satisfies me well enough, so for the most part I don't demand special attention. I'm not inclined to be animated or freak out any time I encounter something that I really like. I'm calm as it gets, even during exciting times (I once was told I had nerves of steel, because I never freaked out). It's definitely a strength, but a downside is that when dealing with others, I'm often overlooked. That can be annoying, but as a non-spotlight person, it doesn't always annoy me. On the other hand, once in a blue moon, it's nice to know that you're not just a blob of mass filling up a space. When I go alone, I'm often faced with myself, including my weaknesses, while dealing with other people at the same time. Sometimes that leads to an awkward moment, but I've accepted that this happens.
- Making magic isn't one-sided: If you want to experience magic, don't expect it if you aren't doing your part of the bargain. This should never be entirely expected from the cast members alone. You are responsible to enter the park in the right attitude and be respectful to the others you encounter as well. When you happen to encounter someone who isn't treating you as well as you would like, try to keep an open mind (and heart if I may say so). You don't know what that person has gone through in that day or life in general. I've had my share of cast members who have made me uncomfortable for one reason or another, but having worked with people, I know the pressures. I know they're just trying to do their jobs, and that not everyone will understand me and how I function. I don't let those uncomfortable moments ruin my day. For example, I've written about an encounter with the Evil Queen, more in a humorous manner, but in reality, that was a challenging experience. I haven't talked about that part of it often, but it was at a time when I was sensitive and vulnerable after some things I'd gone through. I sometimes questioned afterward whether I should have let myself do that, since I knew what I was risking, but in the long run I consider that encounter to be the catalyst of one of the most magical memories I experienced in a moment of reflection that evening. I can only hope that this experience wasn't too much for her, because I knew from observation that she preferred to make people happy, and that's not what happened in our meeting. She's completely linked to that magical memory in my mind (see https://www.beckyswritingnook.com/2019/12/my-one-last-wish.html).
I've already seen an announcement that's making me more excited for this opportunity. In the meantime, I need to continue to work out some other concerns, and we'll be happily ready for this new adventure.
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A flower photo I took on a rainy day at Disneyland Resort. December 6, 2019. |
