Again, there's nothing flashy about me, and that includes physical expression. My touch is perhaps a little hesitant at times, but mostly gentle; I don't want to be alarming to people. I think of my grandma on my maternal side, who was really into touching as an expression of her affection. She got pretty aggressive at times. There's no one out there who could compete with Grandma's bear hugs, and she really loved to sit with you and hold hands. It was so aggressive that it has scared off some of the less touchy people in the family. I accepted it was all done out of love, and I even miss those things now that she's gone. I would love a grandma bear hug sometimes. For me, I'm not so aggressive. I don't like to touch people unless I know they're ok with it.
Touch is a very delicate act in my mind. It can spark the best or worst of feelings, depending on how it's expressed. Therefore, I don't take it casually. When I touch someone, there's a lot of tenderness behind it. It's not an empty act, and if the people I'm reaching out to don't respond well to it, it gets painful, like being rejected. That's likely another reason why I'm extremely careful about touching people. I want to make sure they are fine with it first before finding myself caught up in a painful place, because when it hurts, it really hurts. Silly deep feelings.
