The Pathway to Burnout: No Escape

My solution when I worked used to be that when things got to be too much for me, it was a signal that I was ready to take a break and take time off. It was assumed that a break away from the office meant relaxing. I learned quickly that this wasn't an accurate assumption. When I wasn't working in the office, I was often occupied with work at home, and I kept as busy as ever. Time off for relaxing was practically non-existent for me. Once in a while, I'd get to travel, and those were fun, but it definitely made it difficult to return! I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who understand what I'm talking about there. 

The problem was that as my chronic stress set in, those days off became even less effective. I'd take my time off feeling exhausted and return exhausted. It even came to a point that all I would have to do to feel the stress and exhaustion from work was to walk through the doors first thing in the morning. It was like slamming myself into a wall of stress. Even getting out of bed after battling hours of insomnia made me really have to push myself to get ready to go. I used to love getting up early in the morning and feel energetic, but things turned the opposite direction while working.

There were places in the office that offered me moments of solitude, but as I've mentioned before, growth meant changes, and that meant that those quiet corners of the building were replaced by rooms that were more frequently used. Even the lunchroom lost its charm. More of the newer employees were opting to stay inside to have lunch, which meant my lunches got noisier. With my quiet spaces being wiped out one by one, I eventually had to confine my need for moments of solitude in the restrooms, locking myself in. I'm sure that wasn't too popular at times to my coworkers who needed them for obvious reasons, but there were two of those rooms, so that wasn't often an issue.

As my chronic stress took place, I felt a desperate need for a place to retreat to in order to recharge, but with all my spaces gone at work, and going home being surrounded by the inescapable needs there, I had little reprieve. My restroom escapes and little walks may have been the only solace I got during those times.

I feel that since my separation from that environment, I'm getting myself back. I still slump into wanting to cocoon at times, and that maybe due to the fact that I'm not only recovering from this but also trying to adapt after losing my mom and brother. It's nearly the year mark since his death and, as it was before he passed away, I'm beginning to feel more upbeat than I have been in a long time. Let's hope my dad holds out a while so I can continue to find my footing! 

Me on one of my morning walks before work.