Thinking about my last entry and focusing on all the struggles I faced, I remembered I forgot one important step in the process. That was the moment I discovered there was nothing to be ashamed of concerning who I was.
I mentioned previously that I had a serious issue with being a quiet person. That in itself minus all the other things I pointed out was a struggle in itself. I don't know how many times it was pointed out to me while I was growing up how quiet I was. So many people, including dear family told me I need to speak my mind, to talk more, to speak louder, and so on. I never voiced it, but it bothered me. During those difficult years when I didn't like who I was, being quiet played a big part of that. I hated not being able to communicate with people the way they wanted to, but no matter how hard I tried, it didn't work. I was wired differently in this aspect, and I only ended up frustrated the harder I tried to fight against it.
So how did I end up accepting the quiet person that I was? First step I had to take was going to a completely new place where the only familiar thing around me was myself. In that situation I became acquainted with parts of me I didn't know about and slowly discovered the truths and lies I believed during those years of struggles. I still remember the day I conscientiously discovered this. It was no fireworks, no big moment, no proclamation to the world, but a quiet little piece of insight within, and a feeling of peace. It was like a flip of a switch. I realized that there was no shame in being a quiet person, and because of it, I had some valuable gifts talents that people admired. That made me a valuable person, and instead of shame or dislike for myself, I felt warm and loved.
