My dad was born the oldest son (with three older sisters) in his family, but being the oldest boy in a culture that was traditionally patriarchal, he felt the pressure to take charge. This made him perhaps a little more authoritarian than he would have been in another position in the family. When someone speaks of an authoritarian, one might immediately think that he was abusive as the books and movies make those types of people look. Yes, we definitely tested his patience, and he did some things that were unwise like most parents do, but he also spent a lot of quality family time with us, teaching us the value of education, learning how to work, and appreciating the beauty in nature. He also taught us the value of seeing the humor in life also, and there are many memories of fun and laughter.
One thing my dad taught us from the day we were born was the importance of family. He grew up as a neighbor to his grandparents and as a result got to know many of his cousins, and they developed close relationships as a result. Watching this relationship with his cousins as I was growing up, I don't think I realized how rare that is to have an extended family be so close with each other, but there are memories that I made with the extended family because of it. His brothers and sisters are also close, which is remarkable since the oldest child is twenty years older than the youngest. It was amazing to watch them talk and laugh together. When a serious issue came up, they all discussed it, and were able to make it through without someone being so offended that they never returned. In fact, it was traumatizing when they did get in a heated argument with each other, but they were quick to apologize. So other than feeling responsible for the family, I can see why he is so keen on trying to keep the close ties.
Everyone has a favorite memory of being with their parent, and I have one that my dad remembers also, but his point of view is a little different from mine. To be straight to the point, I was a thumb sucker, and I was addicted to it. My parents tell me they tried all sorts of things to try to get me to stop, but no matter what they tried, I found my way around it. In this particular story, he wrapped my lower hand and thumb up in some tape or something to try to get me to stop. His version of the story was that I wanted him to take it off so that the kids my age wouldn't make fun of me. I don't remember any of that. I remember not liking the way it felt on my hand, so I asked him to take it off, and he told me he would only take it off if I promised not to suck my thumb, making it quite clear that if I was caught sucking it, the tape would be put back on. I promised him I wouldn't, and took it so seriously that from that day on, I didn't suck my thumb.
I must go now, but I can't without wishing all of the fathers out there a Happy Father's Day!
