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Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Thankful

After getting my disabled brother up this afternoon to give him a quick break from being in the same position all day, I think about the difference between my life now and the life I experienced a year ago. It was at that time I experienced the ultimate burnout. With demands coming at me from all sides in both work and home, I found myself in one moment sitting at my desk when my brain flipped a switch and I suddenly felt done with it all, done with people getting after me, done with the demands, done with trying something that always seemed to fail...done. It was a dark moment, and it eventually led me to not work in the office anymore.

Now as I sit next to my brother and listen to his relaxed breathing as he leans against me after I gave him a snack and a drink of water, I find myself feeling so much the opposite. I still have a lot of demands on my hands while trying to balance being with him with the other family members I take care of, but even though there are moments that are taxing, I feel by the end of the day that I've accomplished more, and I've been able to relax better, literally. I spent years of going to work with sleeping problems, and it seemed that the problems increased more, but now I'm able to get back to sleep if I wake up in the middle of the night, and I'm almost able to sleep at least seven hours again.

So as everyone else seems to curse 2020 for its odd moments, I'm finding it to be a beautiful year of recovery and reconnecting with myself again. I'm indeed grateful for the good years I did have at that job, and I'm grateful for what I have now. I knew early on last year that I was entering into a transition though I didn't understand at the time what that meant, but now as I continue forward through the transition I am entirely thankful for everything and everyone around me who has supported me through it. I am in a place where I'm free to work on my gifts and talents for the benefit of myself and for those around me (as well as those who have found me through other places). I'm certainly not perfect, nor ever claimed to be, quite the opposite; however, the great thing about that fact is that there's always room to learn and improve.

I'm indeed grateful for all of those I've been fortunate to get to know and to meet, for my life is better because of all of them. 

Thank you all for your big and little parts you have played in my life.