I think of a time when I was at home doing whatever I was doing with my sister. She loved to tease me a lot, so she was probably in the middle of one of those mischievous moments, when she called me a wimp. I thought I was defending myself by replying back that I wasn't a wimp, but that resulted in her teasing me more, because my voice went weaker and quieter at the end of wimp. That's not the only time she's teased me about this so-called problem that I have. When she was into reading Louis LaMour books, she clearly stated once or twice that I'd never survive the Wild West, not stating out loud, but indicating that I wasn't tough enough to fight for myself.
I come across that same type of thinking on occasion as I meet people. I'm always too nice and I need to speak out more and louder. It's always the same thing. I'm always too something or not enough of other things. Welcome to my life. Unfortunately, those people weren't teasing me or joking most of the time like my sister was.
Let me spell it out to everyone: I'm an introvert, and a strong one for that. In added clarification, let me also add that introversion is not always shyness, though I've had my share of shy moments. That advice you give me on how to "fix" my "problem" is not going to work on me. I've already tried, and I was miserable, even hated myself.
I had an experience this weekend that became a prime example of what introverts like me go through. I don't speak out on things very often, but I shared something this weekend on quite a controversial topic. There was a lot of apprehension in sharing it, because I knew as soon as I posted it, someone was going to respond with a strong opinion and someone would respond uncivilly. Exactly that happened. I was fortunately about my wits enough to take control of it before it turned into five day pointless exchange of insults, and tried to explain why I did it. One of the participants decided to take me on instead in response to that, and completely accused me (and my friend with whom she was arguing) of not living my religion, because I wasn't "speaking out" against the things that were so clear to her as being wrong. This particular person is one of those people who have always seen me as too nice, and never said, but always indicated that she thought I was a doormat. LOL. I think I gave her at least a little bit of an eye opener.
Fact: I am often laid-back, but the best way to get me riled up and motivated is to say something personally insulting to someone, particularly someone I know clearly doesn't deserve it.
I was perhaps still nice about my response to the personal attack on me, but when it came to speaking out for my friend, I gave it to her. She responded back briefly and civilly. The other girl also responded, but she was nice enough listen to my explanation of why I did what I did. It was a very pleasant discussion. I was able to settle them down enough that all went fairly beautifully after that. No more qualms on that post.
I suppose some people would brag about such an achievement: being able to settle down two very opinionated individuals, but I'm just enjoying the peace for the moment. That's my reward.
So maybe I don't fight the way you think I should, but I tell you, if you think I'd be conquered the second I am forced to face conflict (because I hate contention so much), then you've sadly misjudged me. Just because I don't do it the "normal" way doesn't mean it's ineffective.
It's Not a Weakness. It's a strength.
