Confrontation

 Part 18: Confrontation of any kind

Oh yes. I was the child who could be corrected by a simple look. A raised voice always traumatized me, and I was always the first to detect an argument in the making, resulting in me running to shut myself up in a room somewhere and cry. I was practically born with a dislike for these situations.

Doormat. That's what people see in those who don't fight back, but not all of us are doormats. It's just that we've learned different ways to handle the situation. I might have to say that the one valuable lesson I've learned in working in a place where I'm dealing with people is how to deal with this particular difficulty better. Have I learned to stop feeling so sensitive about things? No, but I've learned how to deal with them. These are the lessons I've learned with dealing with confrontation:

1. Stop and don't react. Like I react much (outwardly) anyway, but it's often said that the first thing to do to settle down an excited person is to not return the favor of being mean and rude no matter how much you really want to do it.
2. Listen. Don't try to argue. Often times, the person is just plain frustrated and feels the need to let it all out. Sometimes they don't make sense, but if you take a little time to listen, sometimes you can figure it out, the root of the frustration, and from there you can work out the issue. Jumping in with a rebuff to make a point before the person is ready to listen isn't going to work. Just let them let off their steam.
3. Try to understand their point of view. After listening to them, ask questions, try to clarify with them some key points to make sure you're understanding them correctly. They will certainly correct you if you misunderstood something, but knowing the why behind the reason they are angry helps a lot to diffuse the discussion and open doors to a possible resolution.
4. If you need to explain something, do it as plain and as simple as possible. Sometimes there are things the person misunderstood. Sometimes there are processes and rules that must be followed that they don't understand. As simple as possible and straightforward is best, like explaining something to a child (though some of them would hate that comparison, but you know what I mean), so they understand.
5. Try to be patient and calm. There are times when things are said and accusations made that aren't deserving. That hurts a lot to be falsely accused. It can turn someone into defensive mode. No. Just don't. Wait it out, as difficult as that might be. It's been proven scientifically that calmness has a great effect on people.
6. Acknowledge the mistake. If there was a mistake made, admit it. Own up to it. Let them know and see that acknowledgement. Admitting a mistake was made is the first step to improvement, plus there's a sort of satisfaction in seeing that someone humbling themselves instead of covering up for the sake of the appearance of perfection. Some people like seeing that vulnerable side.
7. Let it go. Whether or not the situation was handled as well as it should have been, there's no reason to hold on to it any longer. What is done is done, and hopefully resolved, but if not remember everything that could be done was done. Now get over it. Fight the temptation to mull over it.

I want to put a disclaimer in here. Even though these are lessons I've learned in the past doesn't mean I've perfected them. Easier said than done, right? I still feel the discomfort, and I still end up shaken up nearly every single time. I think the point here is that even though it's so terribly uncomfortable (and I still prefer avoiding it), it's still possible to deal with. 

BTW I'm better at holding off the crying. I only do it once in a while now instead of every time. That's got to count toward something. What it is remains a mystery, and that I can master with ease.

If only....