Part 7: Dealing with People Without Being Able to Decompress.
I had a coworker once who always seemed to get really excited when things got crazy. The constant movement and activity gave her a spirit of "bring it on" and it never seemed to bother her. Meanwhile, I was hovering over in the corner dreaming of the moment I could catch a breath and/or get a chance to run off to the bathroom for a few minutes since it was the only place in the building far enough away from people to get some quiet (and missing the quiet room I used to retreat to that was taken out due to reconstruction). While it may be a drive to some people to be busy and constantly on the move, it simply drains and overwhelms me, particularly after having to deal with a difficult person or situation.
The most important person to me is often the one I'm with at the moment. I take in what they're saying. I take in what they're doing. I'm spending my energy just trying to make sense out of whatever they're trying to tell me when they don't know exactly how to say it. That takes a lot of energy, and by the end of the day of this it can be exhausting. It isn't unusual for me to want to be by myself for a while just to recharge.
I'm a people pleaser, though I'm quite aware I can't please everyone. I will put up with a lot, and people have pointed that out to me several times. Part of that has to do with my being able to look at different angles and catch a glimpse of their viewpoints. I am human though, which means I do have my limitations. It's almost natural for me to want to help in any way I can, but that gets extremely difficult if that other person isn't willing to work with me. I've learned to brush things off for the most part, but there is always that one person who won't settle down. I can get pretty snippy with the person at that point. Some people don't believe me when I say that, because it rarely happens, but I've had a select few witnesses. I don't like being that way, so I often need to take a few minutes to step away and take a few breaths before returning. When it gets to that point, I have to step away, no matter what.
I believe this was one of the most significant elements of my stress that led me to burnout. I love being in the moment with one person, but it was getting to a point that too many people from were trying to demand my immediate attention, and it felt like I was getting pulled in different directions, including pressure coming from the family due to changes in health from a family member who appeared to be needing more attention. I was being slowly suffocated, and the need for air was becoming more desperate. Everything I tried for recharging that worked in the past wasn't enough. It was exhausting.
But now I've had time to focus solely on family, and that has been a blessing to all of us. I needed this time to renew myself and begin taking new steps that would better support and balance my needs as well as the family's.
You'd think that by now I'd be completely disgusted with people, but for some crazy reason, I'm not. Go figure.
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| A favorite button from a small collection I have. |
