Sensitivity

 I was doing another random reading online, and came across the subject of dealing with HSPs (Highly Sensitive People). I'd discovered a few years ago that I'm a member of that clan. Most people speak of those who are HSP in physical sensitivity, and I haven't seen many discuss the emotional sensitivity, which I know for certain I have. The site entitled, How to Love a Highly Sensitive Person is what I read, and it brought several points out that really connected to me, so as I have in the past, I want to expand on the points brought out on this site. It's a list of five things people can do to love an HSP:

1. Speak words that lifts us up, not drag us down: Yes, yes, and double yes. It's an absolute must. There's a reason why I claim this as my love language. The old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," is a lie in my case. Everything spoken hits hard, especially when paired up with vocal tones, connotation, and physical expression, which I'm extremely sensitive to. It wasn't uncommon for me to receive advise to "not take things so personally" over things told to me, but that's a challenge when deep feeling mode goes into play. In the matter of criticism, the focus of the critic influences me significantly. I need to know what I'm doing right in addition to what I need to correct, perhaps even to a higher level, because if everything thrown my way are things that I'm doing wrong, my motivation plummets and I get discouraged. In fact, it might be better to say that with those like me, take out the criticism and replace it with advise. We need a more gentle approach, and being an advisor rather than a critic would be preferable.
2. Check in on us: Sounds like a strange request from someone quiet like me, but it's quite true. The key issue here is the tendency we have to not talk about ourselves, how we're feeling and doing, because of not wanting to be a burden on other people. Personally, I'm not a demanding person, and from childhood I've learned to just deal with things. That can be a good thing, but there's a downside to it also. Sometimes I need something and completely ignore it, because, "I can deal with it," and don't realize the importance of having that need met. It's often through a friendly gesture that it brings to my attention that I did indeed need that thing, and I'm grateful for that person for thinking of me.
3. Indulge our senses. I was so happy to find this point brought up, because when most people talk about HSPs, they focus on the physical sensitivities that cause anxiety and/or low tolerance. There's another side to this sensitivity that's much more pleasant. It's equally as easy to be in tune with the uplifting and happy feelings as it is the negative. I love utilizing my senses. My personal favorites? A walk in nature is absolutely wonder, though I often prefer silence, so if someone's with me, it's preferable to avoid the constant talk. Some is fine, but not the whole time, please. It's distracting. Going to a concert or theatrical production are great activities also. I actually prefer the stage over movies, because it's easier for me to connect to a living being, thus I get more inspiration out of it. Music is a huge thing for me. I always tell people that when I need to concentrate hard on something, I have to have complete silence. Sounds distract me big time, but music in particular can consume me and take over my mind. This type of overstimulation created by these live arts is more enjoyable, but it also means I won't be able to focus or sleep well for a while. LOL.
4. Check your vibes. Another triple yes needs to be inserted here. Even when there's no talking, there's still the mood a.k.a. energy, and it's super contagious to me. This could be on an individual basis or environment basis, both apply. When I talk about being sensitive, this is particularly what I'm talking about. I pick things up from people extremely easily, both the good and the bad, and when I pick them up, it influences my reaction significantly. Stressed out and upset people stress me out. Happy and energetic people give me a boost of energy. This is exactly why negativity and I rub the wrong way. I don't like the path negative people take me down. It's dark, and it's burdening.
5. Yes to hugs, kisses, and physical touch. There's a catch in this one for me. I'm selective about who I like physically touching me. I think the key statement in the article is, But do it gently and with consent. Sudden and unexpected moves can freak me out. I may not always scream or yell, but I will definitely fight back in response. I confess I like a little gentle touch from other people, and I love hugs, but only upon invitation from the other person, or if I observe they would be fine with it if I extended the gesture to them. I'm incredibly reserved about this one, because it's so delicate. If I give out a hug, it's not a casual thing.
6. Respect our limits. Yes. I've said plenty of times before that I'm quite capable of being social; however, even in social settings, I have my limits. I will be friendly and social for an hour, perhaps a few hours, but after that I shut down. My happy face will disappear, and I'll start watching the clock wondering when it will be over. Ultimately, if it doesn't end soon, I'll exercise one of my disappearance superpowers and slip out the door without being noticed. I need a lot of low-key quiet and alone time, and sometimes that's difficult for people to understand, particularly those who are in the mindset that you have to be busy every second or you're being lazy. Recognizing when I've had enough and allowing that needed down time would be a beautiful thing.
7. Show us that you notice us. This is a big one also, particularly for me. It comes quite naturally to detect things from people, feelings and subtle physical hints that might detect what the person's thinking and motives are. That comes in part due to my tendency to sit back and observe in silence; but there's a setback to being that quiet, and it's that I'm not recognized or attended to. I used to call it when I was younger only being a mass to fill the space. It's human nature to give attention to those who know how to be loud and talkative, but there are some like me who try ever so hard, but still can't seem to get the attention-getting skill right. Sometimes it gets a little awkward when some comes my way, because I'm not used to it, but stick with it, because it really is appreciated. I'm happy enough with only a friendly greeting, but there have been other times when people have left me notes or small little tokens of appreciation. Those little gestures tell me that I'm not forgotten and seen, and it totally makes my day.

I think more could be added to this list, but I won't expound upon them right now. These points satisfy me at the moment. Here's to hope for a brighter future, and that inner peace that can help you through the difficult times where the world's outer peace is fractured or perhaps non-existent.