I'm not here to go on any rants today, nor am I going to talk about certain topics trying to explain how I (and people like me) process things. This time, I'm going to take a step back and express some gratitude that I think I should be doing more frequently. It's a good thing, to take time and think about it. I can't go super deep into this, because it could take some time, but I wanted to think about my top picks.
- Family: I have had several times in my life when I would have been left almost entirely alone if I didn't have a supportive family. I'm fortunate to have a close extended family as well who are friendly and willing to offer a hand when it's needed.
- Caregiving Opportunities: There's a post I made, probably when I was beginning to be more active on my blog, about someone who told me once that my having to care for my brother from a young age, "robbed me of my life" and I refuted it. I don't feel like my life was robbed from having to spend nearly my entire life being by his side. In addition to that, I took care of my mom in her last few years of life when diabetes and Parkinson's began to worsen. It was challenging at times to have to take care of both, but I had family support, and I felt at times that that support came from not only living family. It's difficult to explain if you don't understand what I'm talking about. But it was a beautiful experience, and I feel honored that even during the last few days of her life, Mom still wanted me to be there with her. As for my brother, I'm still taking care of him, and he seems to be leaning on me (often literally) more frequently now. The rest of the family helps in taking care of him, but for some reason, I seem to be the one with whom he cooperates the most. He likes physical touch, and the others don't seem to like to do that as much as I do. That may or may not be the reason. None of us really know for certain. Having this opportunity isn't something a lot of people have, nor would be willing to do, but I find that I don't really pine over the life I could have had, because I don't think I've wasted it by doing this.
- My emotional sensitivity: This seems to be a double-edged sword, because when the emotions run deep, and they are painful ones, Whew! But I believe that some of my greatest gifts come from my emotional sensitivity. I credit this gift with assisting me in knowing what it is I need to do to take care of my brother. He can't communicate, so this gift is entirely beneficial. I've had times in my life when I knew without understanding how what he needed. It's aided me in my gift to express myself through one of my stronger talents, and that is writing. That may apply with other artistic interests, though they are a little less developed. It's helped me feel with others, and even at odd times be able to connect to them in a manner I can't explain logically.
- Physical senses: There's nothing more beautiful than a nature walk, where so many senses can be enlivened. It's all an orchestrated masterpiece in natural surround sound! I don't claim to have the complete understanding, but there are times when I can feel a portion of what it is meant by those still living in centuries-old cultures throughout the world as a oneness with nature. There are, of course, other things such as good meals (and desserts--chocolate anyone?) to appreciate.
- Challenges: Life is certainly difficult at times, and everyone is bound to face a challenge here and there. Some are really hard to deal with and will be a struggle for years to come. I've had my share of heartbreaks, frustrations, and confidence checks. I can't say I've handled all of them well, but some of them have made me a better person. For example, my mom was occasionally astonished when I would volunteer to do something I knew would be extremely uncomfortable for me (I'm looking at you, Christmas solo). I don't know why I give in to this level of insanity, but I think it developed while I was younger, when I wanted to be in plays and choirs. I can't explain why I put myself through all of that pain and humiliation time and time again tryout after tryout, but I think within me there was a drive to keep trying, no matter how hard it got. I rarely got into things, but when I did, I absolutely appreciated the experience. Experiencing this has helped me in so many ways in dealing with those deep emotions, particularly the difficult and painful deep ones, when they come up. So no, there wasn't a lot of performing in my future, but it was entirely worth it. I've learned to be patient with and be kinder to myself. There are, of course, many other challenges I could talk about, some unique, some not so unique, but I've always understood that things will be alright, no matter what. Plus, I've learned that challenges, no matter how great, do not change my worth.
I decided to limit this to five things, so there you are. There are so many things out there to be grateful for, even an innumerable amount of things, if we are willing to slow down and think about it. It puts things into an entirely different perspective.
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| A photo from one of my nature walks. |
