I've been thinking a lot lately about things I've heard recently and reflecting on my experiences from the past and thought I'd like to express my thoughts on a few things you might appreciate getting an explanation. There are a few items of things brought to my attention by a YouTube video of one extrovert who clearly seems to not understand how we work, and I wanted to make a rebuttal response on behalf of at least some of us quieter peeps out there.
First and foremost, we are introverted, not necessarily shy. Some people don't know the difference. Introversion is a cognitive way of processing the world. Being shy is an emotional response in a social setting, usually involving interactions with other people, rooted in anxiety or fear. Someone can be introverted and not shy while another can be extroverted and shy. I've been called shy my entire life because of how quiet I am, but I don't talk because I'm nervous about what people think. I'm quiet because I don't really have anything to say. I'm not one of those people who chucks thoughts out of my mouth at others. One of my favorite lines in The Wizard of Oz is from the scene where Dorothy meets Scarecrow, and he starts talking to her about not having a brain. She asks him, If you don't have a brain, then how do you talk? He responds back, I don't know! But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they? Makes me smile every time. Now, I'm not calling all of you extroverts out there brainless, but at least some of you would agree that people like this exist.
One of the accusations I hear from people in general, not necessarily targeting introverts directly, is that if you aren't speaking your mind and throwing yourself out there for the world to see, you're being dishonest, suspicious, and inauthentic. In one particular video, I watched a girl complain about people she'd met online that she really liked and then met them in person only to find out that in person that individual was only "a shell" of how they presented themselves online. Using the example of herself being the same in writing online and in person, an assumption was made that those who acted differently from their online conversations were creating a fake online personality. While there are some people out there who will pretend to be someone else, I can attest to the fact that most quiet individuals are being completely our genuine selves online, as well as in person. Being quiet doesn't mean hiding. It just means we don't find it necessary to have word salads swirl around us like confetti to communicate. Extroverts are gifted to be externally expressive in their communication. That is appreciated and might I say much admired by us on the other side of the spectrum. Introverts are gifted in a different manner. Our expressions are internal; thus, they are going to be more subtle, and one of the reasons that writing is easier than talking in order to address their thoughts. No, people who are quiet are not being inauthentic; In fact, it's the complete opposite. They are being as authentic as they come. They've accepted that they are quiet and understand the amazing abilities that can compensate for the weaknesses of extroverts.
I have no idea where this idea came from, but apparently some people think that being the quiet and mysterious one is an ideal personality. That's far from the truth. There are many people who have expressed, and I've expressed it myself several times, how many times we've had to hear people demeaning us because we don't "speak our mind" or talk more. I was also accused of being too nice and even wimpy because I wasn't as assertive in the way people thought I should be. No, nothing about our introversion has ever been "put on a pedestal" as my friend in the video claimed.
Speaking of being told to talk more, may I suggest to my fellow extroverts to refrain from saying that to an introvert? We can talk and will talk, but not when being pushed. This comes from my personal experience, but I'm guessing there are others in the same boat: That stubbornness within me will kick in, and I will outright refuse to talk to you the more you try to force me. People don't think about how rude this really is. I know it's frustrating when someone doesn't communicate the way you'd like, but reacting in such a manner is counterproductive. No one wants to respond to a person making derogatory comments at them.
I've also heard some criticisms that introverts blend too much into a crowd. I think this is in reference to conforming and not "being yourself" with people. LOL. So far from the truth. Yes, we do get lost in crowds, and we get overlooked a lot, but sometimes for some odd reason, there are moments when we don't blend in so well. I can speak from experience. I've had many times when I've been picked out of a crowd by people, not intentionally, but I manage to be found, and I mean that figuratively as well as literally. That being said, being a part of the crowd isn't a bad thing. We see things there that others can't, and we can attend to those things. Another misunderstanding I came across was that being lost in the crowd means antisocial. That's not true. In fact, true antisocial behavior doesn't mean not being highly interactive with people. It means that you have disregard of the rights of others, i.e. the stereotypical criminal. If those people are among the crowd, they're up to no good. Using the term in that aspect is also incredibly demeaning.
People get frustrated trying to communicate with us. Some claim that we have too many thick walls, and perhaps some of us do. If we do, it's because of people who have hurt us, because a lot of us are incredibly deep emotionally and are sensitive individuals. Again, making hurtful comments about how "closed" we are and getting too pushy are not going to get you anywhere. Gentle and easy (and likely with a lot of patience) is the way to go in order to connect to us. The more impatient and pushier you get, the more we will close up, because you are proving to us by your behavior that we can't trust you. Show us that you accept us for who we are at our current level, and we'll bring you in deeper. Again, we aren't disguising our flavor. We are enhancing it by adding the spices.
It's often misunderstood that because we are quiet and don't speak a lot that we lack self-confidence. False! Being quiet is being themselves! By accepting their quiet tendencies brings confidence. Surely no one expects everyone to be loud and obnoxious. Of course there's another side to our personality, but extraverts have another side also. One side is more visibly prominent than the other in different people, and for us, our other side is reserved for those who earn it. There's also a type of confidence that many introverts excel in that I think many extroverts admire. It is referred to as quiet confidence. Quiet confidence means being able to have calm and composed demeanor and understand or believe in your abilities without needing external validation. Introverts can be really good at that.
In closing, I watched a video of a brief section of an interview with Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, and she mentioned one interesting fact that she came across during her research. She said that she discovered that many, if not all, introverts have spoken about a time in their lives when they felt a sense of shame for whom they were. I was among them. It was part of my teenage struggles. There was a time when I hated that I was quiet and didn't like it when people pointed it out to me. I wanted to be more extroverted, but the funny thing was that the more I tried being another way, the more awkward I got. It took several years to realize that I didn't need to be ashamed and that I had some beautiful gifts and abilities because of my quiet ways that were admirable. I didn't need to change my personality.
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| I haven't used this site in years. I don't frequently do these and often don't save them, but I chose to save this one, because it brings out some interesting features. It's an actual picture, but probably brushed over a little, because I definitely look better than the real me. One part of my introverted interests involves playing around with technological programs just to see what happens. |
