I've often found myself at awe when I witness many people and how easily it seems to come to them to express themselves through music. Music is very much a part of me, but whenever I try a hand at it, I come face to face with my physical weaknesses and it can be very frustrating...even has brought me to tears several times...because it's trapped inside of me and does not seem to come out right. The only time it seems to come out close to right is when I'm alone where no one is listening. I become extremely alert when people are around (or if I'm being recorded) and feel like everything has to be perfect to even get any notice; however, because of my extreme awareness, I get anxious and tense-not to mention very aware of every mistake I think I make...and everything comes out wrong. Therefore, no one really knows to what extent I can go, not even myself. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm kidding myself and I'm not that good. No matter what...nothing seems to come out the way I feel it. If my heart could sing, people would definitely notice. That's mainly why I appreciate musicians so much. They have the vocal abilities I do not have...and I have to express myself vicariously through them. Thank goodness for those people.
That sounds a little depressing so let me shed a little light on this. Just because I feel so limited, it has not stopped me from doing it. I have had several opportunities to stretch my skills. I've had the privilege of singing various parts in music from tenor to soprano I and have learned to sing songs in different languages including Latin, French, Spanish, and Portuguese (Brazilian). Those were a great challenge, but I enjoyed every minute of it. It's not easy for me to release my voice; however, I have had my moments...and I know better than to let my frustrations and occasional tears stop me.
I heard this song I learned a long time ago based off of the Navajo poem, "I Walk in Beauty" and it totally speaks of the kind of beauty I've always spoken about wanting. It has very little to do with physical beauty, but is very spiritual in nature. I may not completely understand how they speak of it, but I have an idea. I believe it has something similar to what some of the Asian religions believe...trying to live in wholeness, a complete entity with the spirit of nature and divinity. This song is fairly simple, but has such a great message. I did record it and can tolerate listening to myself singing it, but I haven't yet worked out the glitches that prevent me from posting it on here. Hopefully, I've figured it out. Another challenge, but one that I'm willing to take on...
