Many people have heard the saying that introverts are more lonely in crowds than they are alone. I'm wondering how many people out there are confused by this saying and don't really understand what it means. I have been doing a lot of thinking as I look back at recent and further experiences that may pertain to this question. People have been an important part of my life. I grew up in a large family, and an extraordinarily large extended family, so I grew up adjusted to being in environments with many people around, but I grew up mostly observing rather than chatting in that crowd also.It's a strange feeling for me, being among a crowd. One minute, I'm unified with the crowd, just another mass filling up the space, the next, I'm sidling against the walls with an acute attack of self-awareness about how different I am from everyone else--and possibly having an anxiety attack. It's not all a bad thing, feeling different, but it can feel lonely, particularly in the terms of communication, because communicating with me can be difficult for those who don't understand how I function.
When I don't know a person, I'll outright admit I'm a terrible conversation starter. I'm an observer, and my immediate response to getting to know someone is through observation and not talk. When I meet people for the first time, I often see in some of their faces that they are perhaps a little stunned by my intensity, but seriously there's nothing to be afraid of. It may be more of a compliment than anything, because I'm interested. So, if someone's truly interested in getting to know me, and he or she has difficulty conversing, just keep talking. I'll eventually chime in, and if he or she gets lucky in finding the right button, I'll say a lot more than just a few words. Ah, talking. I'm not the kind who'll just talk about anything. Some things I keep in my head, because it doesn't seem appropriate or not beneficial to the person I'm speaking with, so there's a lot more going on in my head than you actually hear coming out of my mouth. There are also times where there are things I should say, but I reserve them, because I know the person I am speaking with will not take it seriously or disregard it as important. There are times when I might say something to test the person to see if they will take it seriously and if they don't that's the last they'll hear from me. It's a bit of a stubborn streak I have, but I always figured why waste it on someone who doesn't care?
A lot of things go through my head while I'm trying to process everything. While I am encountering something new, it goes into overdrive, so if I'm in a new place or situation and I'm quiet, it's because I'm busy absorbing everything. For example, a while back, I was talking about my first visit to Disneyland and dealing with my first encounter with characters. During that visit, I was so overwhelmed by the newness of everything that my ability to speak was perhaps more limited than normal. They handled me well in that situation though. I very much appreciate people who put up with me when I'm not in talkative mode. Yes, being talkative has always been the way to go for this society, and an so many people seem to think you're being rude if you don't begin with small talking. Introverts are known for their hatred for small talk. I can handle small talk to a point, because I understand people use it as a way to start a conversation; however, I do eventually get bored with it if it lasts too long. I often prefer something a little deeper that stimulates my mind, and small talk doesn't do that, but sometimes small talk can eventually lead into that, so that's why I can put up with it for a short amount of time.One final element of communicating with me that makes our communication the most effective is being able to make a deep connection. Being an intuitive type, if I'm not able to feel a connection, there's not as much value. I may understand what you're telling me, but if that connection's made, that understanding goes so much deeper. I've even had experiences when I've been able to connect to people without saying much, which often helps when I'm tongue tied.
So there's my lengthy essay on communication. Unfortunately, a good number of people don't understand it. There's always someone I encounter in my life who can't seem to figure out how to communicate with me, and I can't get through to them, so it leads to some great difficulties. Others will try and give up too quickly. I've accepted that I am confusing to some people and it doesn't anger me if they unwittingly leave me out of their conversations, but if someone actually wants to talk with me, then he or she is welcome to it. I don't mind a good friendly chat. I would love the company of someone witty, or even someone who loves to talk. They could get their words out of their system, and I could sit back and relax (or have a good laugh depending on the context) as I listen to them. The only request I would have is that I'm allowed to speak when I need to say something.
This article sounds almost entirely miserable, so let me enlighten you on the brighter side of how I function in these forms of communication. First of all, because I don't talk a lot and tend to observe a lot more than I talk, I notice things that my fellow other peoples don't. There are subtle signs I pick up on that they seem completely oblivious too. For instance, one time I was walking down a hallway with my co-worker and we happened to be wearing the same color of clothes. We passed another in the hallway, and I commented to her that this person noticed that we were wearing the same color, and she asked me how I knew. I explained to her that it was in the manner that person examined us when we passed. Related to that is the ability to pick up things from people themselves.Observance. That word will be resurfacing a number of times as this article continues. I've spoken about how non-talkers like me rely on it. I was thinking about an instance, it seems insignificant, but perhaps maybe it wasn't, that I was walking through Frontierland at Disneyland just wandering like I love to do, and noticed a piece of trash getting caught in people's feet as the walked in front of me. I happened to notice at almost the same instant a CM wanting to get to it, but because of all the foot traffic she was having a hard time finding a chance to get through the crowd. It was this one moment of observation that moved me to grab that trash and hand it to the CM. So you know there were a lot of people there walking with me, but I was able to notice that subtle hint that something needed to be done, and so I helped. It's moments like those that make it a little more worth it to be an observer.
Speaking of picking up details from people, one of probably the greatest strengths I may posses is the ability to empathize with people. Yes, I'm talking empathy, not sympathy. One of my greatest weaknesses (and has been for some time) is having to watch people grieve over the death of a loved one. Sometimes all you have to do is bring up the subject and I'm a lost cause. I'm a strong introvert, so even though I can pick up on people's feelings, I don't express them outwardly, but I certainly feel them. It is a beneficial trait, because I'm able to understand and respect people's feelings. I'm sensitive to environmental moods, too. It's partly the reason why I couldn't handle trying out for things in theatre and other performing arts. I was already anxiety driven, but the extreme serious mood I picked up in the room (particularly in situations where I had to sit and watch until it was my turn) increased the problem. So you might say being able to pick up moods and feelings is both a blessing and a curse.
Ah, blessings and curses. Yes. It seems that not being an avid talker seems to pertain to both. I've spoken about the curses. Now let's discuss the blessings, and for me that comes in the form of writing. Writing! The blessed creation for us quiet ones! Our mouths may be dysfunctional, but our hands aren't! As already clear in this blog, I could talk for hours with my hands. It is the free flow that I sometimes wish I could get out of my mouth, but alas, it doesn't work that way. It has been a blessing to me in so many ways. It has helped me overcome moments of situational depression and has helped me share some insights I have difficulty talking about with friends and family. So many people have found my poetry an inspirational source, and the people who have read my stories are impressed by the way I'm able to keep details straight until the end. In the end, I'm an entertainer as I wanted to be as a child, but only in the written form instead of the stage. I've been doing a lot of writing lately and I have forgotten how much I enjoy doing it! Next thing I need to do is get back to my novel and see if I can get through that. I'm on a second draft for it, but it is basically a first draft since I made a drastic change early on in the story and so everything after it needs to be fixed. If I can get that fixed then getting it worked through and completed will be much easier.
On a side note: I've been trying to post pictures on each of my posts to make them look better, though I'm quite sure some of them don't really match the subject as well as they could. These are some velvet dress pictures as well as a winter snapshot since we finally got some snow here.
Have a great day!
