Moving Forward

Yes, the January blues sort of haunted me in February. The last couple of posts were written while I was in a melancholy state. It's an easy thing to do this year since we've been dealing with consistent days of snowstorms, thus making it more tempting to be in hibernating mode. The problem with that mode is that too much of it tends to get old, and the mind is sometimes tempted to wander into a more dark and serious train of thought, which I suppose can be enjoyable from time to time; however, too much of it can be detrimental to the mental state, at least in my case. My goal has and is to get my self out walking again, as that is incredibly therapeutic to my mind. Walking around in the fresh air often lifts my spirits, and I consider it the soul reason I made it through for so long on my former work. It's been a struggle to feel tempted with all the snow coming down, but I've managed to get out a few times, and it still works like the same old magic. I always come home feeling refreshed and in a much happier mood. Despite the sensation of wet cold slush leaking into my worn-out boots, there's always a sense of happiness.

Speaking of happiness, there's another important thing that happened this past weekend to lighten things up for me. I don't really want to go into full detail here, and I'll try to keep it as simple as possible. There's a specific memory that's haunted me for a few years now. It's a complicated one, but extra special. The reason it haunted me was because there's a difficult situation I had to deal with in order to make that memory special. It didn't haunt me at first, but sometime afterward, it crept in. Oh, how that haunted me! I tried to write it down, thinking that would get it out of my system, but no. Time after time, it came back to me, often when I was trying to sleep. A few minutes after I woke up on Saturday morning, I suddenly came to a realization that my hanging on to this was limiting not only my need to go forward, but also the other person who was involved. The hanging on of this part of the memory was holding this individual back. I needed to offer forgiveness in order to let it go. This person isn't a common part of my life. I had no opportunity to speak in person, but it was still done. I closed my eyes and pictured that person in my mind, and spoke to it with a heartfelt, "I forgive you."

Immediately in response to this, I felt a weight lift from me, even to the point of being driven to tears, and, this might sound crazy, the words popped into my head as if someone was speaking to my mind, "Thank you." I spent the next several minutes dealing with my heart releasing the stresses I never knew I had from holding this memory in for so long. My ultimate wish was to keep this memory in its original state, before all this other emotions came in to cloud it up. It was an extremely special memory. I don't know the other person involved well, but from what I've observed of the person, this is the preferable way also.

Ever since that day, things seem better. I'm not so haunted in the night when I need to sleep, and when the thought of that memory pops up, I've been working on training my mind to refrain from going down into that territory. I knew from the very beginning I might still be faced with the memory popping into my mind, and decided when it does, I will produce a thought of good will or prayer for that person. That keeps me from going into the mood. 

And now it's time to move forward; Forward to new hopes; Forward to new goals; Forward to new relationships; Forward to new life. Signs are beginning to appear, telling us that Spring is just around the corner, and what a wonderful reminder! The beautiful reminder of new life and starting things over is the reason I love this season. In a month or two, after months of cold and barrenness, life will begin in a display of flowers and newborn leaves! A most beautiful transformation! That of all things will definitely cheer me up.