Mission Complete

Since I've completed my usual travel log, I thought I better get back to what I was talking about before concerning my little journey with singing. I left off leaving you hanging by telling you about how my anxiety was kicking in. Even though that was quite alarming while it occurred, in hindsight, I think it was a blessing in disguise, because having that early onset allowed me to adjust. If it had occurred last minute like it usually does, I would have spent the whole time trying to balance keeping the performance under control and that sudden feeling of panic. The early onset allowed me a few weeks to examine the common cause behind it, and learn to deal with it. The first concern was beginning in the right place, having the timing right. The second was making sure I was entering on the right notes. There may have been a few other concerns, but my primary ones seemed to be that first part where I started. 

When I get things wrong, I can get super hard on myself and feel embarrassed. That song I knew by heart, so I knew there was no reason for me to question what I can do. Number one rule I had to make during this reflection time was to say goodbye to the self-criticism. If I made a mistake, I wasn't allowed to be negative. I needed to accept whatever happens. This is for a general church program anyway, not a place where people necessarily expect professional quality.

Rule number two came immediately after: I need to not question, and trust in myself, mixed with a little faith that it will work out. This one was a new realization to me. Reason one, I've know about for a long time, but only this time had I realized that having a little trust and faith that I'll face this challenge with the strength I need might be extremely beneficial. There were plenty of other difficult situations that were as uncomfortable, but this particular realization pulled me through.

We had one more practice after that week, and I made sure before going to remind myself very strongly of my reasons, often saying to myself, with or without the mirror, "You got this," and "Trust yourself." That practice went a lot more smoothly. Even though I once got the verses mixed up, I was able to laugh about it rather than fret over it.

My moment of truth arrived. No, my anxiety didn't disappear. There were parts of me that were still quaking, but it was indeed one of those experiences where the body feels shaky, but the inner me was at peace. Some people may understand that. I sang it without having any timing issues, and I think I was able to stay on key quite well--when I'm too nervous, that part is often one of the first victims. Most people I spoke said that I looked so calm. 

I think it also helped that beforehand, I looked out at the people, and reminded myself that these were friends, not enemies.

After it was all done, I got a lot of hugs and people complimenting me. The people in the choir were particularly complimentary, because they knew and witnessed the struggles I went through on this journey. One particularly said that she could see my struggles clearly at the beginning, and noticed my improvements each week. One in the audience told me that during the song she had hair standing up the whole time.

In conclusion, whether or not it was perfect, this mission was accomplished successfully, since we were able to provide inspiration to the listeners. Another difficulty managed well.

Thank you, and enjoy your holiday week.